Midpoint Musings

Midpoint Musings

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Source of the Search

I just showed my new blog to my husband. He was amused. He didn't say much. He usually doesn't. He is what Tim LaHaye calls phlegmatic. I am not phlegmatic. I used to be sanguine. When I was younger and raising three very active boys (before the Baby Princess arrived), I could be very choleric, just trying to keep ahead of them. During midlife I was quite melancholic, being at the mercy of pending menopause, I think. Now, I don't know what I am. 

Sometimes I feel bad that I don't fit personality categories very well. I have often felt either too much of this or not enough of that. 

I do have a Savior: Jesus Christ. But, I'm not a very good Christian. Once I heard a quote by a Christian college professor who said, "It is much easier to move to a logical extreme than to remain at the midpoint of Biblical tension." True; and so it is in life.

I have very deep and raw emotions to some things, but I often hide them thinking it is best for the time being, to ignore them. But, unfortunately, I do have a breaking point, and all too often, the hidden things surface at inopportune times, causing me regret or embarrassment. 

I think by nature I am quite impatient, and this causes internal strife that I am constantly trying to understand. I absolutely hate it when my mother reminds me of what a difficult child I was; especially how she never understood what I wanted. She only knew it wasn't what she was offering. 

All of this background, has me, lately, contemplating the wisdom of looking for a middle ground. I find myself seeking the midpoint, constantly. I know I've always been very sensitive to criticism, ashamed of poorly-timed comments that were not meant to harm. I have lived a little over a half of a century. That's in the middle, isn't it? But whatever the cause, I think I'm going to try to middle. 


  1. I so understand your embarrassment and frustration over saying things that aren't taken correctly or that slipped out differently than you intended or that you wish hadn't slipped out at all. Sigh. And all this self-analyzing...is it because we're in mid-life and it's scary? I don't know, but it sure is confusing. (I clicked all 3 -- funny, interesting, and cool. It's cool that you can allow yourself to be so vulnerable.)

  2. I love the design, and it's very cool that you are doing this! I love the quote from your professor, too. I'll have to remember that one(-: